it seems interesting how one could find love in the most unexpected of places; and when one finds it, it is with such force one could scarcely fathom its limits.

this is my love story. a cacophony of rapid twists and ends; one would shake her head at the wonder of it all, for it to end, and start like this.

i reflect, on the current state of affairs. i bullshit you not when i say i have never felt this before (have i just forgotten? that's a question for another day). what i mean is, i have never felt this state of being loved to such an intensity that i feel, and i see, that she is willing to, and does, give all she has (and before you think that, STOP!). i used to think i was the only one capable, or willing, to do just that. perhaps i had demanded too much then. or was i blind? be that as it may, i am at this juncture, and this is how i feel.

i do not think it is as base as a matter of trust. if it were, a slight hesitation, as if willing to put feet forward que-sera-sera, will be apparent. it is not faith, for even that carries a hint of fatalism in the offing. no, this is pure and simple, a love deep enough that it is willing to realize itself, and herself, through and with, the totality of us.

she has not given up herself. on the contrary, she has given all of herself and received emancipation in return. a weird state of mind to find in your silent smoking balcony partner of long passing - sans conversation (redundancy to prove my point); of one who had hated you and had dismissed you at the outset; of one who had thought that you were nothing but just there - an object there, and with which thought you held her in return.

and what of me? the loved? the one who had bungled through life and ended thinking that this sort of unconditionality and willingness is reserved for me to do alone, that i am surprised at being the recipient of such? what does one such as i do in this case?

i would treasure it as one who encounters a most unique, novel, and life-changing situation does. cherish it, for it is almost never the case that one is loved as one does. i am realistic - if we do not end up together, i wil remember that, once in my life i had been deserving enough to receive this.

this is my love story.

this morning, she gave me her engraved pen. in that simple act, as i looked into her eyes, i knew...