rebirth

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

rack your minds..

here i am, staring at the pieces of paper i've posted on the walls of my cubicle, blankly. there was this one thought that i had earlier. i have forgotten how it went though. rack, tack, my mind a weather-worn shack, all is black... crap. cannot remember.

ugh. nevermind. it's all lost in the wells again. or maybe it never sank in.

and what was the tune that Bugs Bunny used to hum when she was building her fortress against Yosemite Sam's attacks? does Bugs even have a gender? what is it with carrots and rabbits?

is Goofy really a dog? why does it drive a car?

am i being anally-retentive in wondering about these?

Out of the ashes of bennet at 10:00 pm
1 arose from ashes... What burns in you...

Saturday, August 07, 2004

today...

bennet's official schedule for the day....

i should change this.

Out of the ashes of bennet at 11:18 pm
4 arose from ashes... What burns in you...

Thursday, August 05, 2004

look at me...

is it my fault that you cannot reach my level of transcendence?

if you are pining for one who would enact the machinations of the unwashed masses, then go right ahead and seek among them.

it will hurt me deeply, for i can be hurt, more than i will ever show.

i do love you. but you see nothing except your own blindness.

Out of the ashes of bennet at 11:43 pm
5 arose from ashes... What burns in you...

stinkbomb...

lotion stinks. i do not know why people ever want to spread the remains of floating sea fungi, carcasses of rotten citri and multitudinous combinations of toxic petrochemicals on their skin. and they actually enjoy it too.

now if only some bloke never thought to incorporate noxious odors into the bloody things, this would be a better world. but no! they had to infuse it with a scent that wafts through the confines of the office, bashes up your nostrils like a hammer wrapped in old leather tights and does a jiggle dance on your olfactory nerves until they are shot. crappy bastards.

water is good.

Out of the ashes of bennet at 06:10 am
4 arose from ashes... What burns in you...

Monday, August 02, 2004

bedbugs...

i let a sultan into my room the other day. he and his harem of female cockroaches snuggled up to me on the bed as i was reading a story of a young princess kidnapped by an evil horde, waiting for the rescue promised by her knight in not so shining armor. i told them the story.

listened the sultan, enrapt in the web of the yarn that i spun, as they went with the knight through countless adventures, slogging wearily through mud and mist, traversing many leagues of arid land, to be opposed at every step by hordes of orcs and fae and whatnot.

his harem was mildly amused. they roamed and chittered among the sheets, clacking their mandibles in appreciation of that sordid tale, and raising their antennae in indignation when they learned of the princess' demise - oh no, not a death as we would have it. it is the death of her soul, which comes from the surrender to the evil lurking within their midst.

and the story was finished. the sultan bowed in appreciation of my time, and i bowed in appreciation of his ears. he was the only one who would listen. i was the only one who would talk to him. i led him out of the room, to go back doing what it is that cockroaches usually do. at the door we bowed to each other again. he touched his antennae to my forehead, and scampered away.

there goes my friend, i thought, and closed the door to go to sleep.

Out of the ashes of bennet at 08:38 pm
2 arose from ashes... What burns in you...

Thursday, July 29, 2004

i live again...

i feel so... invigorated.

the streets are devoid of life once more. i can again walk alone with my thoughts, its arm around my shoulder. we are two best buddies out for a nightly stroll.

gone is the jostling and weaving through that mindless mass suffusing the city by day. no more the looks of hatred and derision from all sides. when i open my eyes, only the tree bathed in yellow lamplight fills my vision.

emptiness is my source of strength, the battery of my life. for the cold and the void lift up my spirit. they bear it on high rising winds, away from jagged rocks and dashing waves.

but why is it that whenever you leave, whenever i feel a great emptiness upon me, why is it at that time... at that time, i touch the weakness?

i lived, only to die again in your abscence.

Out of the ashes of bennet at 08:03 am
2 arose from ashes... What burns in you...

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

nightfall...

it is finished... finally, i will be back in my natural element by tomorrow. ahh, the night beckons, and i shall heed its call.

Out of the ashes of bennet at 09:49 pm
What burns in you...

Saturday, July 24, 2004

daytime blues...

1 hour... but at least i can go home now...

Out of the ashes of bennet at 06:03 pm
What burns in you...

complete...

i have walked the day today, out of my usual element. i hate the day. it is too bright, it is too hot. i hate the day. it is too active, too full of life. i hate the day. it is too noisy, too crowded. i hate the day.

it is far from you.

the foyer was barren, gray and lifeless. everywhere i go in the daylight is open space. the walls recede from me, the skies they draw farther, the earth, it slides away from my feet as i go through the motions of walking. the people give you a wide berth even though you are packed like sardines inside an ordinary bus roaring through the freeway.

daylight is free fall. i have nothing to hold onto, nothing to grab. nothing to rescue me as i plunge into these depths. you are nowhere, and nowhere can i find that feeling of enclosure that you provide. i was alone today.

but you came. you passed by. and the moment my eyes laid their fingers upon you, the moment my ears swallowed that sweet morsel which is your name, i stopped falling.

the walls returned, taking their places. the glass panes rebuilt themselves from their shattered pieces. i am protected again from the falling stars, and my feet are held up once more by the ground beneath them. i stopped falling.

Out of the ashes of bennet at 06:01 pm
What burns in you...

daytime blues...

2 hours...

Out of the ashes of bennet at 04:59 pm
What burns in you...