Recognition... « rebirth

Monday, June 21, 2004

Recognition...

I sleep, I eat, I work, eat, then sleep again. Days off find me at home helping with the chores, looking after the house (as most of the people are off gallivanting), chasing after the flies with the swatter, dusting my books and cleaning my room. When the situation calls for it, I cook for the family, clean the long-overworn passages and filthy nooks and crannies of the house; Mostly I do cooking though. I am a very responsible individual. I hate it. i hate what i have become.

Reflection...

i have abandoned the quest to seek and surpass my limits. by sheer ignorance i have found my limits in front of me. i did not go to them, i built them around myself.

i have sunk into the inertia of conformity and normalcy. a stagnant mire consisting of the tar pits of routine and the muck of conservativism. i am embroiled not even in the past but in something worse... the present.

gone is the mind that had reached out to countless horizons. gone is the defiance that was the wedge which drove through countless barriers of thought and imagination. gone is the individual that sought emancipation from the vagaries of convention. gone is the creature that lived.

i have committed suicide of the first order. i have killed my soul.

Rebirth...

no more. no more shall i succumb to this fetid hand that stays me. no more shall there be walls around my being. no more shall my feet adhere to the opiate that is routine. and no more will i allow myself to merely exist.

the thinker shall once more live within me. situations cannot be discarded as meaningless randomities anymore. the artist shall once again be my eyes and ears. no reality shall ever be perceived through the blinding lenses of practicality. the rebel will once more possess all acts. consequence will never again be my guide.

i shall rise once more from the ashes of my folly; long have i allowed myself to BECOME. now i will again BE.

Out of the ashes of bennet at 04:32 am


	Bennet June 27, 2004 06:20 AM PDT Understood. though more often than not it's circumstance and/or blindness to truth that forces activities out of us. i am guilty of both. i'm not offering excuses though, and from this time on, i'm not letting the choice be wrested from me. thanks.


	EMIKO June 25, 2004 09:17 PM PDT leave well enough alone! i don't believe you'll do whatever it is you're doing on your free time if you don't like doing it. sure you may not be used to what you're doing now 'coz it was not what you were doing before. i may not be as intellectually gifted as some other people but i DO know one thing, you never conform to what you call the normal existence of humans if you have not decided upon it beforehand. you're not stupid. don't act like one. you can still glorify God and post the stuff you do. it can be an outlet to vent frustrations and stuff that you can not express on a daily, regular basis. excuse my french but what you do is your own choice.


	Bennet June 23, 2004 12:12 AM PDT typical to harp on the details and miss the whole picture. nevertheless, let these stay and serve as reminders. to both me and yourselves...


	Anna June 22, 2004 07:11 PM PDT bennet, i hate what you've become as well, only because you state that you hate it yourself. nobody can tell you who you really are. in all of those times that we hung out, i never heard you say that you were ashamed of who you were. you were sarcastic, yes. but that was you. you were an anarchist, yes. but that was you. you can tell me that i'm mistaken. i am only relaying what i saw and came to know as bennet. be an artist. cross the line. be bennet.


	aujan June 22, 2004 12:37 PM PDT sorry na-wrong grammar pa tuloy ako dun sa line na 'you've wrote'.. it should be 'through all the nonsense you've written' pala.. asar na asar lang talaga ako. i can't wait for my Lord's sweet vengeance upon you. remember bennet, our God believes in capital punishment. so do i.


	aujan June 22, 2004 12:22 PM PDT bennet, i appreciate your creativeness but not in this way... with lies. i am not impressed. we are born-again christians, and with Christ, negativities are most often avoided. in fact it does not exist. to have become a responsible individual is a blessing, a gift of a fresh start from the Lord -- but why state that you hate it? and what chores do you do during your day off?!! do you wash the dishes, clean the whole house, or better yet do the laundry? and cleaning your room?! (which in fact is my room). yes, you cook SOMETIMES, when you should be doing it always. we both know the truth, don't twist it. please think well before proclaiming your thoughts... i am saddened to discover this, after our long talk with mamamu this morning. i suggest you revise everything,(even your single entry in your quiet times page, written without your personal reflection) as you are given another chance to change. remember, we carry with us the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. i cannot allow you to put my Christ into shame through all this nonsense you've wrote. you can use all this space ministering and sharing the goodness and unconditional love of the Lord for you... instead of all this depressing crap. do something about this before it's too late. if you stick with this ideals, this beliefs, and this webpage... then you can leave anytime from our house that has always been the Lord's. i hate your wickedness for regretting that you have become a good individual. i wish you His grace. i love Jesus more than i love you.

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